Since embarking on the old University student path, my queer connections have multiplied massively. Because, naturally, that’s what we gays do. We surround ourselves with fellow gays and bask in our glorious gayness. It sounds wonderful and flamboyant doesn’t it?
But of course as any fellow dyke who isn’t living under a rock knows, with much gayness comes much gay drama. Or grama if you will. Now I am not a subscriber to the straight community, so who knows if this is uniquely a problem we have to deal with. But it is becoming increasingly evident that a gang of gays are incapable of socialising and maintaining friendships without someone displaying their immense ability to involve themselves in every incredibly inappropriate situation available. I remember back in my newbie lesbian days seeing Alice’s infamous L Word chart and thinking.... “How socially incestuous. Lesbians don’t behave like that!”... I’m starting to think I was a teensy bit wrong.
And then there’s the gossip. We all know how fast news travels through the gay grapevine. You can share one tiny secret and within a couple of hours the entirety of the extended dyke network has heard the latest news. It’s hard to spend time with some gays without being bombarded with an array of gay gossip that, most of the time, you just don’t want to hear. But there’s one slight conundrum. My head is filled with too many details of the ins and outs of the lives of my lesbian friends. But I know next to nothing about those gay boys. I can only conclude one of three things: 1) The lads are in fact delightfully well-behaved and angelic, 2) They know when to keep their mouths shut about their fiendish feats, or 3) As a lesbian, I’m simply not qualified to hear about it.
Either way, perhaps we need to be more like our gay boy counterparts and keep the lesbian lowdown on the down-low.