Sunday, 18 September 2011

Sapphic Stalking

And so I’m back in the UK after a weeklong cruise confinement with my family, and more importantly, in an almost incommunicado state unable to speak to T.

There’s really not that much to do on cruise ships unless you’re spouting grey hair, so admittedly I did spend a lot of time sat around in the ship’s bars not really doing all that much except people-watching. During my first day on ship, after realising almost the entirety of the passenger population was solely heterosexual, middle-class and middle-aged, I was perhaps a little too excited to spot what I believed to be a semi-elderly lesbian couple.

Now I do have a bit of a habit of seeing two women together and automatically assuming they are a big old vag-loving duo, after which I’ll quite gladly spend time staring and looking for any signs of sapphism. Sometimes T and I will be strolling through town and see a pair of women who are so blatantly just friends, but we decide they’re obviously raunchy lesbian lovers. Because apparently, in our world, heterosexual friends just don’t exist.

So anyway, in my extreme state of boredom, I did take to intentionally frequenting the same bars as this couple, initially purely to ascertain whether or not they were in fact a wonderful lesbian couple. Now I don’t mean stalking in the sense that I followed them back to their cabin every night. Okay, I did once. But purely accidentally. Their room just happened to be on my corridor, I swear! Maybe it was just nice to see a happy gay couple when I was terribly missing T.

Perhaps next time I should just go on one of those super gay lesbian cruises.

Don’t judge me now. I’m really not a crazy stalker lady who preys on unsuspecting apparent lesbians. But there really is only so much time you can spend in the sole company of your family whilst your girlfriend is hundreds of miles away. And I’m sure I’m not the only one out there who assumes every pair of ladies I see are a coupla dykes. Right...?

- R

1 comment:

  1. I'm so glad I read this because I've done it once, when I was in Kenya for vacation. I spotted this seemingly lesbian couple (in their 30s) and just eye stalked them during the rest of my stay. And I also assume "every pair of ladies I see are a coupla dykes". And then I roll my eyes at myself for being so biased. Which doesn't make me stop.