Monday, 7 November 2011

That Awkward Moment When You're Gay

You know what’s awkward?

When the doctor asks if there’s a chance you could be pregnant.
No doctor, I’m not pregnant.
No, there’s no chance I’m pregnant.
Yes I am sexually active…
No…there’s really no chance that I’m pregnant.

… awkward

This generally just ends with telling the doctor you’re gay, thus eradicating the possibility of being preggers short of immaculate conceptions.


A range of responses could follow this revelation, but luckily today for R, the one she got was “Oh, no, you’re probably not pregnant then”.

I however, am a massive wuss and so generally say I’m not sexually active. I can’t face the potential awkward silence/homophobia/disbelieving looks if I admit that I’m a massive lady-lovin’ gay. (Though blatantly I wouldn’t use that exact phrasing).

There are a number of other questions that I don’t seem able to answer for fear of the previously stated reasons.

“So, got yourself a boyfriend yet?”
To which I can truthfully and thankfully answer “no”. Though this gets tricky if they ask me if I’ve “anyone special”. This being how my Dad found out about R, the witty devil that he is.

“Free condoms?”
Just no.
I realise that this may make me look like an uncaring chlamydia-infected lady of the night, but last time this happened I was with R and just gave her a quick peck, which then led to us being offered flavoured lubes.

“Phwoar, he’s buff right?” (because people obviously say this all the time)

“Uhhh…yeah …he’s…erm…tasty” *cough*

Sometimes it’s worse when people do know you’re gay and you end up with questions like:
“How can I *ahem* change your mind?”
“My *random acquaintance* is gay. Do you know her?”
“Have you read the bible?”

Fun fun times.

Anyone else ever had awkward question times?


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