Wednesday, 11 July 2012

Life After Lisa

So I tried something I hadn’t done in a long time the other day.

I went into a chat room.

Chat rooms have always held a certain allure for me, because my parents forbid me from them when I was younger. This of course just meant that I snuck downstairs in the dead of night, logged on to the only computer in the house and prayed that no one would wake up as the dial-up connected. (Remember dial-up? No? Pffft. Youngsters.)

Ahhh, it was just how I remembered it. People, not so much “chatting”, but shouting randomly into cyber space. Everyone saying;

heeeeey guuuuuyyzzz

any1 up f0r a ChAt?

Press 3344 if u r a sporty CHICK and wanna pm!!!!!1

…and nothing else. Just an endless circle of people typing about how they want to chat.


Then the screen names. Oh how it made me nostalgic for the days when I thought “sexy-teddy-bear” was an appropriate way to present myself to the cyber world.

I then went in search of some LGBT chat rooms.

It’s a dangerous game typing “gay chatroom” into Google and clicking on the first link.
Take 2

lesbian chatroom”

Hmm, a little better. At least the ladies here had the decency to mosey off to private chat before really going at the dirty talk. Though still plenty of random comments of “hello, my a/s/l is…. Anyone want some pm time?”
Then there were the comments that made me doubt that some of my fellow chatters were lesbians…or in fact ladies at all.

The first chatroom I happened to venture into featured a “lady” called Natasha. 

Natasha spent a long time trying to get someone to pm with her.

Poor Natasha.

No one was taking it.

I did. For research of course.

It was interesting. A little quiet at first when I instantly told her that I wrote a blog and wanted to ask some questions. When I asked why she came to LGBT chat sites she told me she didn’t do it that often and just wanted to talk to some girls.

I asked what she generally talked to the girls about….

Silence.

But when I mentioned dirty talking…

Bingo.

It opened the floodgates. Natasha was a talker.

Giving me tips on how to attract girls for some dirty talking times and the kind of sites she liked, Natasha was oddly pleasant and informative. I didn’t want to take too much of her time away from the waiting girls.

I moved on.

At the next site I visited, I was instantly barraged by a fight between 2 people spamming the page with “ENGLAND” and “ITALY”.
It got old quickly.

But at least there was less dirty talk.

Moving on again.

The next one required I register.

Fair enough.

Though it turned out to be fairly disappointing as I was the only one there.

Third time lucky?

This was a general gay one. But I liked it because when someone left the room it came up with this message:
Which amused mebecause obviously I am a 12 year old child.

No one appeared to want to talk so I powered onwards.

I promised myself it would be the last one, as I found observing the goings on in chatrooms to be oddly addictive. I was determined to find someone reasonably sane to pm and ask questions to.

Ah.  Jackpot.

There was actually conversation in this one. Yes, it was in 20 second stints, but it was by far the best I’d come across.

I pm’d a lady by the name of Firefly who seemed sane and mentioned she had wine. There was an awkward moment due to a misunderstanding…
I then chatted with a girl which ended up being more of an internet safety lecture as she was spouting about how she wanted to find someone to meet up with on the internet.

Then there was Lisa….Oh Lisa…
I would like to point out that the following was not my fault.

R came home from work which led to me hastily explaining what I was doing on a load of dodgy looking lesbian chat sites.

She thought it was hilarious.

She wanted to try it…
Oh my.

It started off well, but then I didn’t respond fast enough and Lisa got impatient. 
Then she broke character and the whole thing just went downhill.

The barely sexy moment was gone.

I hope Lisa got lucky with someone else that night who had lightning quick typing reflexes to adhere to her business-womanly needs.

So overall, an entertaining way to spend an evening, but it seems the excitement and allure of the forbidden chatroom that I felt in my youth has gone. Which is slightly sad. I always used to enjoy the rush of someone complimenting me on my excellently chosen screen name of “born-to-disobey” or the delightful *ping* noise, signalling my being singled out for a spot of private messaging.

Ah. Those were the days.

-T

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