Wednesday, 4 July 2012

My Beloved Monster

I must admit, I’m quite a fan of sex shops. I love wandering around admiring the range of strangely-shaped strap-ons, fascinatingly flavoured lubes and horrendous “hot” outfits. It amuses me to no end. And yes, perhaps I do have a bit of a bad habit of spending excessive amounts of money on sex toys that I am probably never going to use because, quite frankly, they’re just too weird and unnecessary. But I love it! I don’t know why, but I do.

There’s one thing that baffles me a little bit about sex toys.

Why must they look so damn realistic?

I peruse the selection hanging up in my local Ann Summers (not the best store, I know, but it’s all we have in our lowly town), and I can’t help but notice a common theme among them. Huge throbbing veins. Elaborately carved foreskins. Some of them even have a set of balls attached.

Excuse my overly dykey moment, but  *gag*.

Why must this be so??

Why do my beloved naughty accessory manufacturers insist on making the items I wish to buy exact replicas of some guy’s cock?

Okay, I understand many of these are intended for straight women, which I suppose is fair enough. But let’s take strap-ons for example. There are two groups that strap-ons are intended for (at least that I can think of, perhaps I’m being na├»ve!) - girls to use on their fellow chick-loving ladies, and hetero women to use on their delightfully open-minded men.

Now correct me if I’m wrong, but I think the receiving parties in both of those situations (the chick-loving ladies and open-minded men) aren’t a fan of the penis. Ergo, they do not need the goods in their life to look like one. Perhaps I can’t speak for everyone, but I’m gonna go out on a limb and stick to this statement.

So why the intricately designed dildos that make my girlfriend look like she has a very real, if slightly oddly coloured, schlong attached to her?

Perhaps I’m frequenting the wrong sex shops, and somewhere out there is a mythical, magical shop catering only to lesbians, stocked with beautifully smooth, reasonably sized goods that do not make me think of my male counterparts at all.

Does such a wonderful place exist?

If it does, I am yet to stumble upon it.

- R

No comments:

Post a Comment