Sunday, 1 July 2012

Rumour Has It

 So a while ago, me and R went back to my hometown for a barn dance (don’t ask). And this barn dance took place in my church, and it was full of church people.

Me and R were like this all evening.
Just in case any hard core Catholics starting condemning us.

I was playing my guitar and R was dancing, so this allowed me a chance to observe the dancing.

Have you ever seen a barn dance?

They’re hilarious.

But anyway, during my delightful viewing of the strange and weird things that you can instruct people to do during a barn dance, I spotted….a homo.

That’s right.

There was a fellow gay at my church!

And I never knew. 


I questioned my Mother.
(Which in retrospect, wasn’t a good idea.)

M: Who’s the lady in the pink shirt?
J: That’s GC, why?
M: She just looks kinda gay

It didn’t go down well. My Mother was adamant that GC just happened to be an old, single lady with short hair, who had never shown interest in any old Catholic men from church (and single old Catholic ladies and gents love hooking up and getting married) and just happened to dress like a huge dyke.

But hey, Jacqueline Wilson looks like a huge dyke too, but she’s straight. Who am I to question an old single lady’s dress sense?

Upon questioning my Mother further, it turns out she’s kind of an outcast in our churchy community. My parents were friends with her (my parents also being slight outcasts as they’re divorced and re-married), and say she is a lovely lady who helps out at all the church events and is always willing to partake in fundraising activities.

It kind of sounded like she was the geeky girl who kept trying to get in with the cool kids. 
 Churches are surprisingly cliquey.

So why were people rejecting her? I spoke to her and she was lovely.

Which made me think, maybe homophobic people have their own kind of gaydar. GC lady was giving out her secret gay vibes, and the Cool Caths were picking up on them. They obviously weren’t sure what the vibes meant, but it gave them reason to be wary. And as a result, GC had been outcast.

 Oddly, they’ve never picked up on my secret gay vibes. Even when I was at this barn dance with R. Maybe I’m on my way to being like GC though. I’ll be the lady who dresses kind of weird, never talks about her family life, always comes to church alone and refers to her partner with gender neutral pro-nouns.

I guess it’s only a matter of time.



  1. Did you speak to GC? Should have introduced her to R and watched her reaction. I sometimes wonder if these old women even know it themselves. I reckon an old aunt of mine was probably a lesbian, she was married once briefly and otherwise only lived with women.

    1. I couldn't really introduce R as my girlfriend, much as I wanted to. I didn't want to risk it getting around and making things awkward for my parents at church.

      As yes, your aunt sounds gay.