Sunday, 11 May 2014


So you know what I’ve never really talked about here in a great amount of detail?


I’ve talked about my own sex life (you lucky things), but even then not in a huge amount of detail. Never the actual down and dirty, nitty gritty of it, which is odd, because it’s such a controversial topic with lesbians.

And what’s odd is that there are some questions that even we within the lesbian community can’t seem to agree on.

Fights about what “counts” as sex.

Heated debates about whether “real” lesbians scissor.

So…let’s dive right in shall we?

What counts?
Let’s get the most basic, and yet weirdly  the most complicated question out the way first.

From all the ladies I’ve ever talked to, the general consensus seems to be anything involving fingers, mouths or toys around your nethers, counts.

That seems to be the general rule. But obviously not true for every lady lover out there. For example, I count tribbing as sex. 

What is tribbing I hear you silently ask? Well even if you don’t recognise the name, I bet you’ve done it.

It’s basically rubbing your vag up against something lots. So although this includes the controversial scissoring position, it also includes other more easily assessable body parts such as thighs.

I count this as sex. Why? Because I come from it. And that to me…is sex.

Because, as so eloquently put by Jenny Schecter in the L Word, the primary sex act between two women, is being able to give each other awesome orgasms.

Some girls do it. Others don’t.

The absence or presence of this particular position in your sex life literally reflects nothing on your sexual identity.

I wish I could do it.

But I tried it once and got kicked in the face.

Never again.

Again, some like ‘em. Some don’t.

For me, toys are more of a “special occasion” thing.

There’s nothing sexier than when you’re in the hot and heavy of it, ready to go and wanting to screw, to then have your lady say “one sec” and fumble out of bed to struggle with a horrendously unsexy harness so the fucking can continue.

Hot, right?

Though I am dying to try out the RodeoH brief harness, because not only do they look awesome but they would avoid all the horrendously attractive fiddling with buckles and straps

But again, that’s just me.

Some lezzers use them every time. Some ladies find them an integral part of their sex lives. And that’s all good and gravy for them. Some people aren’t down with the penetration thing. Some people just really don’t like anything penis related. And that’s gravy too.

I am of course mildly terrified that in one of her bouts of nosing about my room, my Mother’s curiosity will overwhelm her and she’ll be unable to help herself as she cuts through the pounds of duct tape encasing a shoebox under my bed and be faced with a box full of things she didn’t ever need to know I owned.

R once wrote something on this a while back, but I happen to agree with her view.

Yes, there is lesbian-sex protection out there.

No, it’s not sexy.

No, I’ve never encountered a lesbian who used it.

Because really, who wants to have a large, cold piece of latex slapped on their nethers in the heat of the moment?

No one. That’s who.
So despite all the lesbian conflicts and questions about the specifics of sex, there’s one thing I’m pretty sure we can all agree on.

It’s fun.

And really that’s all that matters.

Go forth and fuck!


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