Tuesday, 10 June 2014

The Silence

Germany has suddenly decided that it’s going to be warm . After weeks of tepid sunshine and huge thunderstorms, I'm listening to R complain how her corner of England is too hot at 22°C (71°F) whilst I sit and get blasted by 35°C (95°F) heat.

In celebration of the final arrival of Summer, a huge gay party took place along a local river. So while dancing away like a moron (oh yeah, I got some crazy moves), Russia tapped me on the shoulder and pointed to a dyke behind me and said, “Hey…isn’t that your ex?”

And low and behold…it was.

There was B.

When I first arrived in Germany, I literally knew no one. It was perfect.  Just what I wanted. No one to keep fawning over me and asking if I was okay while simultaneously fishing for details on mine and R’s break up.

But it also got lonely pretty quickly, so I turned to internet dating sites and apps to find some lesbian ladies to befriend and slowly worm my way into the German LGBT community.

And the strategy worked pretty well for me as I now have my cushty little group of Les-bros. But along the way, I met B. She was a little older *cough* a decade *cough* but when we were together we didn’t feel the difference at all.
So, things were going well. We’d even done the scary step of meeting each other’s friends, when out of the blue…she stopped talking to me.

She technologically dropped off the edge of the earth, not replying to whatsapp or texts, and I didn’t want to be the crazy lady who turns up uninvited to someone’s house.

So, 6 months of no contact later, and there she was. Looking very cool and dykey and mature as I jumped around in a polka dot summer dress with my student friends. But at this point…I felt pretty good. I felt secure in myself with my happy group of friends, shiny renewed relationship with R and just pretty happy in general.
 

And so…I text her.

Just a simple text. Asking if she was at the Queer party by the river this evening because I thought I had seen her. And after half an hour I got through a one word answer of “Ja…”

And that was it.

That was all the contact we had. She even walked past me a few times and completely blanked me.

Charming.

So I spent a some of the evening feeling a little down until it was suggested we all go wade about in the Rhine for a while.

I love me some wading.

And so we paddled about and splashed water at each other like children and I thought back on mine and B’s relationship and realised we were just kind of crutches for each other at bad periods in our lives.

We had both just broken up with long term girlfriends, and during our time together, she lost her job and I lost my Grandfather. And so we lent on each other a lot and helped each other through some shoddy times. 

So even though B has now decided to act like a child despite her years...fair enough. All power to her. Good luck with that.

I’m still grateful for the role she played in my life.

Seeing B again was odd but definitely showed me that she has no intention of engaging in the traditional lesbian act of staying friends.

So here I am, writing outside, "enjoying" the sweltering heat, day dreaming about my approaching long weekend in Berlin with R, BBQs with my German friends, and my return back to England, family, friends and a future with R.

-T