Say you’re chatting with someone, getting along really well, talking about yourselves and learning about each other. Then the subject of relationships come up, and you mention your girlfriend.
Especially with femme ladies, it can be a bit of a shock. And I know they’re trying to be nice, but it kind of ticks me off when people go out of their way to try and make me feel comfortable about my sexuality.
I’m very comfortable already.
But they try anyway.
Phrases like, “Oh, well, I’m totally cool with the gay thing”
Just makes me think, “Oh you are totally not cool with the gay thing”.
Because I tend to think that people who are truly cool with it…just shut the hell up and carry on with the conversation.
None of this, “I’m totally for gay marriage!” or, “I have a gay friend!”
The best reaction I ever had was from my grown up friend L, who when she asked if I had anyone special and I said “yes, her name is R”, she shrugged and said “oh we’re going in that direction then. What does she study?”
Because sometimes it feels reassuring to have an acknowledgement that they’ve understood you’re gay…and then to have it never really brought up again.
It was because of this that I accidentally outed myself in the most ungraceful way to my Grandparents. When my Mother mentioned to them that I had a girlfriend, and they assumed she meant “a gal pal”. So when she assured me that everyone in the family know and I then emailed my Grandmother and asked if my partner, R, could come round for the family Christmas deal…she kind of freaked out.
Thanks very much.
Now shut up and listen to my amusing anecdote about my girlfriend and her cat.