Tuesday, 12 September 2017

Somebody That I Used To Know

Not so long ago, I married a wonderful lady.

And not long before that, a friend of 15 years rang me, and told me she would not be attending my wedding because my relationship wasn’t valid, and I should “find Jesus and ask for forgiveness”.

To which I calmly replied, “no thanks”.
 (Which you can read about here)

As I think many LGBT peeps do, I always wondered how I would react if someone turned their back on me due my personal preference of genitals. I’d always envisioned myself to be very cool and rational, logically rejecting the person who’d rejected me. If someone shows themselves to be a shit friend, then not having them in my life could be nothing but a positive thing.

Simple, right?

But it turns out it's harder than that. And although cool and collected at first, the hurt slowly crept up on me and I realised that I needed to face up to it.
So I moved on, married my wife, enjoyed my wedding and pottered on with my big ol’ gay sinful life.

So last week, when this “friend” decided it would make perfect sense to send me an invitation to her wedding, I’m sure you can imagine my reaction.

I pissed myself laughing.

I’m not entirely sure why she thought that inviting me to her wedding would be a good idea after telling me to my face that my whole relationship was worthless and God wouldn’t accept me, but then again, she’s always been a little on the bat shit crazy side.

But then I tried to be serious, and give this out of the blue invite some proper thought.

I could go. I could show her that even without God, I am capable of forgiveness. I can be the bigger person, stand in a room full of people just like her, with my wife, and educate them about LGBT people by example.

When I told a close friend about the invitation, she said I shouldn’t feel like the weight of all LGBT people rested with me. That I wasn’t an ambassador.  But I am clearly the only openly LGBT person that my friend knows. Therefore how I react to this invitation will shape how she feels about all LGBT people. And I think that makes me an ambassador of sorts.


But that’s a lot to ask from me. I’m just one bitter, betrayed, little lesbian. And I don’t know if I want to subject my wife to a room full of scorn, no matter how much I know she would come and support me.

And is this truly my friend trying to mend our very broken friendship? Or is it her trying to soothe her own conscience?

She’s never once apologised for what she said. She’s managed to wiggle around it like a practiced politician, where it’s only if you listen carefully that you realise they’ve not said what you first thought, that she’s not really apologised at all.

So do I stay or do I go?

Do I stick by my decision to cut hateful ignorant people out my life? Or do I try to be the bigger person and represent the LGBT community with pride?

1 comment: